Good manners transcend time and medium

Kara Rice

The Signal Staff

Twitter, Facebook, blogging, Skype, and texting were all nonsensical jargon to us a decade ago, lol, but thanks to social media and the Internet they are now part of our everyday vocabulary.

If Emily Post were alive today to see us navigating through social media sites on the Internet, she would probably be appalled at our general lack of manners and proper etiquette. The American authority on social behavior and etiquette through the early part of the 20th century, she created the Emily Post Institute in 1946.  The institute is now run by third generation family members and continues Post’s work by addressing modern societal concerns.

“There’s a tendency for every generation to look at the one preceding it and to long for the good ole’ days,” said Daniel Post Senning, great great grandson of Emily Post and spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute.  “Being a fifth generation person in this business, we have been hearing these complaints for 50 or 60 years. Every generation remembers the manners and etiquette of its youth and as manners change over time, people think they are disappearing.  That’s not necessarily true.  Manners are constantly evolving.”

The Web can be confusing, but for most it has become second nature.  This kind of familiarity is, in many cases, becoming a problem.  Some might even agree it is time to begin reigning in the monster we have all created.

What was once just a form of interpersonal communication, e-mail has quickly become as common as picking up the phone.  It has crossed over into the realm of social media.  Just like face-to-face communication, e-mails can be written differently depending upon the situation and audience.  However, many students use the same etiquette they use in e-mails with their friends as they do to in the professional world.

University of Houston-Clear Lake students, especially in the School of Human Sciences and Humanities, are constantly reminded to treat e-mails to our professors and other professionals we might be contacting as though it were a formal letter.  Yes, a letter.  Having trouble remembering what those are?   Letters have a beginning, middle and an end.   Nothing makes a student look more unprofessional than a hastily written e-mail lacking salutations and filled with grammar, punctuation and spelling errors.

“Most of us would never walk into a person’s home or office, start talking without saying hello, and then walk out without saying goodbye, right?,” said Ashley Packard, associate professor of communication.  “Why then is it so common for people to send e-mails without a salutation or signature? Sometimes, I can’t even tell who sent me something.”

E-mail isn’t the only place problems can arise for students today.  Many students experience problems using social networking sites.  It can be difficult to find a balance between proper etiquette and freedom of self-expression.  Now that social media sites have become mainstream, companies are using them to help make hiring, and in some cases, firing decisions.

“Do not post anything that you would not want posted on a billboard at the entrance to your home, work or campus community,” said Ron Klinger, assistant director of human resources. “Facebook is a great tool, but just like any tool, it has to be used wisely.”

Although some might consider companies using these sites as tools for hiring and firing intrusive, Klinger states, “I almost see it as an extension of references.  In today’s day and age, it matters more that companies get qualified candidates in their positions, as well as individuals that fit the organization.  Employers need to make well-informed hires now, more than ever.”

Even though companies may consider it justified behavior, Klinger states that companies need to be transparent if they are using these methods and should disclose this to potential employees in order to build trust.

Unfortunately, there continues to be numerous people whose lives have been turned upside down due to not following these simple rules.  It is also important to note that one should consider their friend’s jobs before posting pictures that may bring negative attention to their lives as well.  Asking their permission before posting and tagging them in photos is the polite thing to do.

Avoiding “flame wars” or controversial and hostile cyber conversations between users on a blog or networking site is another way to avoid getting into trouble.  In the most extreme cases, these exchanges have ruined people’s reputations and carried over into real-life physical violence outside the World Wide Web.

Less dramatic instances where proper etiquette can be displayed come in the form of application invites or page suggestions.  If friends don’t want to view a page or participate in Facebook applications then why bombard them with requests to do so?  People should be selective about what they want to share with their friends.  This will save a person from having to block someone, block posts from those applications, or just ignore requests all together.

“Remember whatever the medium, it’s a human interaction,” said Senning.  “You want to treat the person on the other end with the same respect and consideration that you would give them if that interaction was happening in person.  The distance that’s introduced in that relationship by the medium doesn’t excuse bad behavior.”

Social media etiquette is not all that different from everyday manners and common courtesies we would use in any other situation.  All it takes is a little time to stop and think who we might be hurting, whether it is ourselves or someone else, with our actions or comments.

Emily Post might have some new things say about etiquette today, but her words from more than half a century ago still ring true.

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others,” Post wrote. “If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.”