Anahid Tapia
The Signal
“You bitch! Why are you out with your friends? They’re all whores.”
I don’t know why he hated my friends, he just did.
Although my ex-boyfriend never hit me, he constantly belittled me, cursing and yelling at me. He also made sure to remind me that he was the only person who really cared about me. Honestly, I never spoke to anyone about it. I was ashamed of the person I had become in that relationship.
I don’t know why I didn’t leave sooner. I felt like I owed him something; if I broke up with him I would be another person in his life who abandoned him.
He would tell me how his mother left when he was young. He would say that he was trying to better himself, but his manager at work did not like him, so he was stuck in the same position. Eventually he got fired; he then accused the car dealership manager of having no compassion because he wanted to repossess the car.
I know now that all this was his way of making sure I felt guilty for wanting to leave. Every time he got mad at me, he would scream and call me every name in the book, and then break down and cry. Then he would tell me that he didn’t mean to yell at me; I should know that it was because he loved me so much.
I finally realized this was not love; I needed to leave the relationship. I was not going to be able to leave as long as he was depending on me. I encouraged him to look for a new job, enroll in school and, after a few months, he bought another car. Last was helping him get his own apartment. He did just that, and then he asked me to move in with him.
He said if we both got full-time jobs, even though I was 21 and going to school, we could eventually get a house. I knew then the only way to get away was not to think about his feelings and his happiness; for once I needed to think about my own happiness.
I broke up with him that same week. After I told him it was over, the shouting started. This time, I yelled back. Something inside of me just snapped, and for every reason he gave for staying together I shouted back 10 reasons why we couldn’t. I think I was yelling the reasons to remind myself why I needed to end this relationship.
I am not sure why he ran in my direction, but out of pure instinct, I grabbed the coffee mug next to me and I threw it at his head. The mug didn’t hit him, but it shattered when it hit the wall next to him. I yelled for him to get out of my house and he did.
Just outside my door he broke down again and begged me to reconsider. He said “no one would ever love you like I do,” and he fainted. I didn’t know if he was just pretending, but I didn’t care anymore.
I walked back into my house and closed the door behind me. I am not sure how long he was out there, but the worst part was over for me.
A friend once saw him parked outside of my house when she came over to visit. For months, I would wake up to find my car egged, but I didn’t care. I was happy.
Last month I celebrated my 29th birthday with my boyfriend of four years by my side. A man who I know will be happy to sit next to my friends when I graduate this year. A man I know loves me “like no one else.”
Congress recently voted to reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). The act has created positive changes since it was first enacted in 1994, by holding tougher provisions for offenders and provides services for victims of such violence. In addition all states have passed laws making stalking a crime.
