COLUMN: Not Quite An Aesop’s Fable: The Dad Who Cried Bully

KELSEY BENOIT

THE SIGNAL

Everyone is a winner today. The trend in children’s organized sports is for every participant to get an award at the end of the season.

Parents and organizations feel that by doing this, they are building self-esteem and encouraging children to keep trying. The question that arises, though, is what are we doing to their character? Is awarding trophies and ribbons to those who simply show up really teaching them to strive for the prize?

Sports, especially in high school and college, are very competitive and teams work hard to be the best of the best. Teams look forward to winning not only the sea- son games but trying for the state champion title.

In Aledo, Texas, the high school football team is undefeated and not by close calls. In the game between Aledo High School and Fort Worth Western Hills, Oct. 18, Aledo defeated Western Hills by a score of 91-0.

As a result of this game, a father of a student on Western Hills’ team filed a bullying complaint against Aledo coach Tim Buchanan. Because of state laws, the school was forced to open an investigation into the complaint.

This father claims that his son’s team was being bullied by the Aledo team, accusing Aledo of being too aggressive and not giving his son’s team a chance.

Filing a bullying complaint against another team for playing well is equivalent to the father crying wolf; it is not only an insult to kids who truly are bullied, it is also a prime example of what we are teaching our kids by giving out unearned trophies instead of teaching them to work hard. When parents try to make others feel wrong for “playing the game,” they are not building self-esteem but creating a sense of self-entitlement.

Encouragement is important for children to hear, unless it takes a wrong turn. Encouragement is intended to inspire, stimulate and support people in their efforts. Self-entitlement is when people believe they deserve special treatment, privileges or to be handed something. When parents or respected elders hand out trophies to every player who shows up for the game, they are promoting self-entitlement and not encouragement.

At some point children and teens need to learn that there are winners and losers. By always giving out trophies and making kids feel as though they are entitled to win, we are risking damaging their character.

When these children graduate high school and move on to college where they are required to keep track of their own schedules, learn how to problem solve, think critically and fend for themselves, they need to have the mental tools to do so. They will learn very quickly that simply showing up is not enough anymore and that rewards are not handed to them.

If parents, teachers and coaches encourage kids to work hard for the prize, children will develop character instead of a sense of self-entitlement. Children need to learn how to win and lose at the same time.

If children are taught to be encouraged by a loss, this may teach them to work harder the next time. Hard work and determination is what gets people ahead of the game and to the success they crave.