Q&A: Sarah Cuellar encourages students to persevere

Contributed by: Jennifer Nease, education major.

UPDATE: 5/20/18 – The question and response regarding friends outside of immediate family was added.

Sarah Cuellar, 19, is an education major at UHCL who persevered through college with Mastagnis, an optic nerve disability.

Q: What level of education are you currently in and do you have a professional goal you are working toward?

A: So, post-secondary would be the level of education. And my career goal is to be a grades 4-8, English as a Second Language teacher.

Q: At what age were you evaluated for a disability and who evaluated or assessed you?

A: I was evaluated at age two when my parents thought either I was disobedient or couldn’t see. Later, I was at pre-school age four or 5 and the teacher said, “she can’t read the board,” so my mom said okay she can go again, [to the eye doctor] and my mom said there was nothing wrong before, but we can go again. And then they said, “oh we missed this – her optic nerve is damaged…badly and there’s no way to fix it because it’s a nerve and they can’t do nerve tissue.” But it didn’t affect me until fourth grade. It was the last day of fourth grade and I couldn’t see something – I have this vivid memory saying to the teacher through tears, “I can’t see it.” At that point, it clicked that I couldn’t do some things.

Q: Would you tell me briefly what it is that you have been diagnosed with?

A: It’s optic nerve atrophy. It’s basically like, for optic nerve atrophy is, you know, the damage of the optic nerve -when the eye takes a picture and sends it to the brain, the picture comes out blurry — it affects my ability to see something. So it hinders me that way. I have zero to minimal field of vision above and [my peripherals] especially on my right side. The Mastagnis – it’s essentially I have a weak muscle in my eyes, but more prevalent in my right. It will go where it wants when it wants like cross-eyed. There is a surgery for it but it’s not worth it because you have to have it every two years.

Q: Do you feel that you understand your exceptionality to the fullest?

A: No. I have a grasp of what it means definition-wise. But how it exactly looks for me, and how others view me, I know it’s different how others view me. I hear it sometimes, like ‘disability,’– the point is that [we’re] still a human being. They might have to do something differently, but … I can’t understand everything of what’s going through someone’s head. I do know some common misconceptions that have come up in my life.

Q: Would you like to share common misconceptions you’ve seen?

A: Okay, one is kind of stupid, but it’s not a big deal. Some people will speak loudly to me because they think that blindness and deafness go together. This guy one time asked me if I knew sign language. I gave him this look and he was like, “Oh, okay.” Other things like people think a cane means full blindness. Or sometimes when I ask for help for something people think I need help with other stuff. I can do navigation but when we’re going through a food line in the cafeteria it’s helpful to tell me the menu.

Q: Do you have at least one person whom you consider to be a friend outside of your immediate family?

Um, yeah. Could be one. There are a few. You’re one of them.

Q: Do you feel that others around you including family fully understand your
exceptionality?

A: Um, I think a lot of it is education, like knowing stuff that’s out there. For me, I am really bad for doing passing — going places without a cane. It’s called passing because you have a disability but you have an original sense of functioning without it that you choose to go the other way. I’m really good at faking. Part of it’s a natural response when people say, “Can you see that?” and I’m like “Oh yeah,” because when I’m with my cane people treat me differently. I feel like in school it is a visual reminder when I’m asking for an accommodation. I prefer passing because when [a cane] is the first thing they see they act differently and it sets a whole tone. I’ve had times when I feel judged for [the cane] and I decide that I want to be an “average joe.” Some people don’t know. I think they notice that I don’t drive myself.

Q: What would you say has been a guiding light to your success in school?

A: A guiding light. I’d say God has really helped me through a lot. Giving me the strength and perseverance to go to school – because a lot of people don’t have that and they quit. Also, my parents and friends. If it weren’t for them in some ways I feel that I wouldn’t push myself to do things that I know I could do, but it’s hard. I don’t want to be left behind. I don’t want to be the person sitting on the sidelines while everyone else is getting a degree. I almost had to repeat a grade in high school and people were like, “Oh, just go and do it.” I took classes in the summer to graduate on time. Perseverance. If you want to do anything in life, people are going to say, you can’t do this or that and you have to be willing to look at, “what if I can?” and “I can’t wait to see the look on your face when I do,” and you have to discern what things are true and are not and know when it’s really something to fight for. Sometimes I tell people, “I know there will be all kinds of people in my way, but you have to push them out of the way” and say, “I’m gonna do this.” If I would have [quit] I would have quit at age 7. I’ve had to overcome a lot… for people who want to quit because something is stressing them out, that’s stupid. You need to look at why you’re here. Nothing in this life is easy, at least not anything that’s worth it. I’ve had my dark times, even thoughts of suicide, but those moments never seem to last longer than an hour and there is always a drop of hope from God who tells me, “There is hope, I have a plan for this,” even when I don’t feel like doing it — he’s always there. You always have that choice, God’s not going to give up on you.

Q: If there was a networking group of persons who shared similar experiences would
you be interested?

A: Yeah? I think another thing that what should be done is disability awareness stuff. Like “Hi, this is Sarah, and she’s a visually impaired person…but a person.” I think that’s the thing, ‘Oh she’s blind, whatever.” You’re not gonna meet people with the same blindness. I know three people with the same condition, but they all have different [reasons]. My cause is unknown, my one friend’s [conditions] was caused by a brain tumor.

Q: Is there anything you would like to add?
A: The library books on disability are distorted. I feel our culture has a view of people of disability as vulnerable or ‘Supercrip,’ –like crippled. It’s a big thing. Instead of people feeling sorry for you, they turn it into a superhero success story- there is no in between –which is where I’d like to be sometimes.

Also published on Medium.