BLOG: Having pride in identifying as a member of the LGBTQ+ community
When I was a sophomore in high school I had my first true crush. This wasn’t a typical “I think he’s cute” and move on the next week type of crush. It was a life-changing realization of who I was.
Up until then, I suspected I was different from other guys my age. However, when you’re the shy kid everyone picks on, it’s hard to fully grasp the concept of identity.
It wasn’t until I laid eyes on this one particular junior who was tall, slender and had a smile that lit up a room, that I felt comfortable admitting to myself what I was hiding from the world. I was gay.
Looking back, I realize how head-over-heels I was over a guy I had only a few interactions with. It wasn’t just because I found him physically mesmerizing, because he was.
It was the way he treated others with kindness and respect. How he was smart and did his work but also could make a room full of students laugh with subtle humor.
It was the way my heart would pound in my ears and I’d start sweating the instant I’d see him. How I would know which path to take to class just to ensure I had the chance to walk past him. Not even stopping to say hi, waving or looking directly at him. Just walking by.
It was the way I found this new confidence to try and start conversations with him. How he helped me tie-dye a shirt in our chemistry class, even though I already knew what to do.
It was an entirely new feeling for me. For the first time in my life, I felt this strange pull toward someone. In that span of time, I came to accept my sexual orientation, even though it was all foreign to me.
For the longest time, I battled internally with who I thought I was and who I was expected to be by family, friends and society. Although it was only about a decade ago, times were different.
Growing up, being gay or “different” wasn’t as widely accepted as it is now. The phases of dislike and hatred I had toward myself festered for years as I felt I had to be someone I wasn’t.
Although my coming out process was relativity smooth, it was still one of the scariest times of my life. Having to “come out” is something no one should have to do.
Yet, it made me stronger. Who I am today and the confidence I have in expressing my identity is only because of overcoming fear. The fear of rejection, especially from loved ones, can be near crippling.
As Pride Month comes to a close, I hope we as a society continue to uplift and recognize those within the LGBTQ+ community. No one should have to hide in the shadows or shield their truth.
Lastly, I urge those within the LGBTQ+ community to recognize our shared experiences, understanding that not every person within the community has to look, speak, act or think the same to be accepted.
In the end, I hope to one day live in a world where people can just be proud and loud about who they are. To live in a time where sophomores in high school can have first real crushes on juniors and not feel ashamed.