There are certain moments that a person remembers clearly no matter how much time has passed. For me, June 12, 2016, is one of those moments.
In the early hours of June 12, 2016, Omar Mateen opened fire in the Pulse nightclub in Florida killing 49 people and injuring 53. The terrorist attack is the deadliest act of violence against the LGBTQ+ community in the United States, and for about 16 months, was the deadliest mass shooting by a single shooter in the country.
For the first half of 2016, I was living in Orlando as a part of the Disney College Program. I worked at Disney World as a cast member (what Disney calls their employees). When you are surrounded by Disney, everything seems untouchable. During my time there, I took a week off to celebrate my brother’s high school graduation, and at that time, the unimaginable happened.
I can picture myself in my room, getting the rest of my stuff packed into a suitcase, in order to go back to my Disney “home.” I remember charging my phone and setting my alarm when my friend started calling me, and I knew something was off when she called instead of texted. She asked if a friend and fellow cast member was working or if he had gone to a club like he normally does on his nights off. I told her that I had no idea as I was visiting family. That was the moment when I found out about the shooting.
While that moment is etched into my brain, the following hours are a complete blur. I locked myself in my room. I did not sleep. I called anyone who might have known where my friend was. We finally got a hold of someone who knew where his apartment was and she went to check on him. At six-ish in the morning, we received word from our friend. He was sick but safe at home.
It was an odd feeling; the sense of relief that my friend was safe, coupled with the anger and heartbreak of knowing something so terrible had happened. I received word that Disney World would be cracking down on security. It seems unfeeling now, there was this horrific incident and I was worried about the future of a theme park.
I spent the next 24 hours in a daze. I got on my plane back to Orlando, my roommate drove back to our apartment and we did not speak about the attack. No one did. There was a dreadful calm over the cast members who lived in the apartment complex. No one was laughing, no one was lounging around, no one looked liked they wanted to be there.
Twice a month, a blood donation truck came to the apartments offering cookies and free movie tickets. There had never been a wait to donate blood, but the following day, there was a massive line with a three-hour wait to donate blood. People were handing out water bottles with the phrase “Be Kind #OneOrlando” printed on them. Others were handing out flowers to make people smile.
When I arrived at work, I waited for security cast members to search my bag and numerous guards were posted at both Animal Kingdom guest and cast member entrances. It was ominous. Leaders instructed us to not discuss the shooting with anyone. If a guest asked us the security policy, we would say that Disney goes to great lengths to make sure everyone is safe. On the surface, everything went back to normal, the show went on. But backstage, something special has been tarnished.
I did not get a chance to see my friend until Wednesday of that week, but when I did see him, he was different; it was obvious the shooting changed him. He was not laughing and rolling his eyes at guests; he was quiet and solemn. I tried to engage him in conversations regarding his favorite topic, the lives of the Kardashians, but he was never fully “there.” Other cast members tried to talk to him about the shooting, but he would not speak about it. On Thursday, he was the same person he was before the shooting. No one spoke about the shooting around him again.
I was only in Orlando for a few more weeks and the odd feeling I had never faded. Even two years later, it lingers. I did not know anyone who was in the shooting, but some of my friends and cast members did have someone who was inside that nightclub.
Since the terror attack at Pulse nightclub, mass shootings have become commonplace in America. From the Las Vegas massacre to the Parkland, Florida shooting, members of the United States government have only offered thoughts and prayers. But the thing is, thoughts and prayers cannot bring someone back and it cannot prevent future attacks. It only feels like a slap in the face.
I am not sure how to stop mass shootings, but I feel like gun control is a start. Those few hours where I did not have information were the worst of my life. I was scared and panicked. People were dead and a city associated with happiness and magic was marred by hatred and terror.
Even though it has been two years, it still feels like yesterday and the scars have yet to heal.
