Failing at something is always difficult. It’s one reason I do not like trying new things, I do not want to feel like a failure. (Even with this blog, it’s my first actual blog about my topic of choice, and I already feel like I am failing at it). However, lately, I have been learning to accept that just because I fail at something does not mean I am a failure.
The phrase “practice makes perfect” is something I used to hear a lot. Sure, the phrase has no ill intent other than encouraging people to practice to get better, but what if instead of aiming for perfect, we just tell people that practice helps us grow and that with practice comes failing?
As a kid, I always felt pressure to try my best and be the best at whatever I do, but those two things are not mutually exclusive. Trying my best means that there is an opportunity to fail, but there is also an opportunity to grow.
This growth is indicative of the many times I have failed and continued to try until I got better. Therefore, failing should also be looked at as something to celebrate, because I am one step closer to succeeding in whatever I am trying.
For example, I recently got back into longboarding again after six years. As expected, I fell and even though I was red like a tomato from the embarrassment, I kept getting on the board until I no longer fell, which made me feel accomplished.
Similarly, graduate school has not been a walk in the park, especially being a first-generation college student who feels clueless about everything. Because of this, my thoughts can turn on me and make me feel like I don’t belong and am taking up someone’s place.
Imposter syndrome really gets to me, but it’s important to remind myself that mistakes don’t mean I am a failure or a fraud. Instead, failing gives me the tools to get better and prevent things from happening. When I fail at something, it just means I made a mistake, and I learn not to make that mistake again.
This is why I find comfort in doing what I know and not stepping out of my bubble. But in doing so, I realize that I may be missing out on so many opportunities like making new friends and going on new adventures that could add more joy to my life.
As a perfectionist, even typing this out seems outlandish, but the COVID-19 pandemic really put things in perspective for me. Basically, my fear of missing out has beaten my fear of failing, and I am ready to take on the world (when it’s safe). And even if I fail, I know I will be one step closer to being more comfortable with failing without feeling like a failure.
